Since I last posted (1/24), I binged on 1/27 at night. Ate a variety of things in the fridge and pantry. Then I had a mini binge last night (chocolate bar and about 4 servings of baked pumpkin  chips).

Three things that I did differently this time:
1. Fought off urge to promise to WILL myself to not do it again for a while. I fought against that instinct in order to stave off the self judgement. I wanted to create a shame-free, guilt-free space internally to allow true feelings to come to surface so I can understand them. My commitment to this mindset is deciding to have faith that being present to my true feelings (as opposed to me numbing them with food/media/etc.) will lead me out of food addiction (emotionally and physically).

2. This morning after my mini binge I really wanted a doughnut - the pull was especially strong. I'm quite sure that before today I would have given in to such a strong pull. But this morning, as uncomfortable as it was, I kept pulling myself back to the present. I just kept pulling my mind back to my body so that they were together. Whenever I tune into my body (meaning that I am aware of it), I am present and not thinking about food. I'm aware of my body, my surroundings, what's happening then as opposed to just bobbing along with whichever current sweeps through my mind at the moment. So intangible, so subtle is this unbelievable strong force that is always easily available to me. So, I must be wary and humble in the face of this force and have a STEEL commitment to the present in order to increasingly live my life in the present, thus curbing my binge eating.

3. I actually fought off a binge episode the night before last. I could sense it was coming in the fog of my mind, which is how it usually is when a binge is coming on. I forced myself to take a picture of a leftover scone and sent it to my sister asking whether I should eat it. That act alone snapped me out of it by creating presence in me. Before she responded, I had put it away and gone to brush my teeth. I had never been able to stop myself before a binge that way - to stop and take a picture. That is significant because it  breaks the chain in the binge eating habit/behavior. That is why I have been tweeting pictures of my meals and nearly anything I eat. That is my goal. Sometimes there's a bite here and there that I don't snap pictures of, but just creating the habit of documenting my meals/snacks begins to put red flags in my head whenever I am about to eat, even a bite. The goal is create awareness in my life about food (which leads to creating awareness and understanding about other trouble areas of my life that are most likely contributing to my food addiction to begin with).