So, four days into my goals for the year and here is what I set up:

-Blog every Wed/Sun to review my progress
-Keep a weekly food journal which I draw on the back of a 2013 Goal list (which means I'll have 45 pages by year end)
    *This food journal is KEY to my recovery which I am committed to achieving this year and which I have Alen Standish over at Quit Binge Eating.com to thank.  I note the day/time/food/hunger level for every meal and snack. I keep it with me wherever I go (in my purse when I'm out and in the kitchen when I get home). It serves as a reminder for me to STOP for two minutes before I eat anything. I stare at the food, assess my hunger level, my feelings about the food, my mood in general and just wait. I note on the page whether I did this. I also Twitter pictures of every snack and meal. So, many minutes go by before I even take a bite, but this is ESSENTIAL.
-Exercise/Run 4 days a week
-Eat a Paleo inspired diet: very little to no wheat. Protein, lots of vegetables and seeds (such as quinoa, millet, rice). Very little processed foods. I MAKE TIME TO COOK. It actually doesn't take too long. I post all my food on Twitter if you'd like to follow (freefrombinge).
-meditate/breathe once a day at least (and often at various moments during the day, just being tuned into my body so that I can be present).
-BRUSH MY TEETH BEFORE I TAKE THE KIDS UP TO BED. This is also Key for me since I am a night binger. I brush, go up, and DO NOT come back down.
-I set 6 alarms from 6:20 on until 10:30 when it's time for bed. The first alarm is to remind me to go brush my teeth NOW. The second at 6:45 is telling me if I haven't, then BRUSH NOW NO MATTER WHAT. Brush my teeth, wash my face, change out of my day clothes. All acts of taking care of myself which is very important in recovery from binge eating which is an act of not taking care of one-self. The next alarm is 8:30 to leave my kids rooms to go meditate and read and blog. Do things for myself. And, must sleep on time!
-STOP JUDGEMENT OF SELF when I binge and when I don't meet these goals here and there. Very important to have compassion for myself if I want to stop this addiction. Judgement stops ALL inner work.
-refrain from over-scheduling or committing to any new volunteer/work goals this year. This year is dedicated to my recovery.

Ok. So, how did I do these past four days? Great!
Week 1(out of 45 remaining weeks in 2013):
-I did not binge at all
-I actually put away cake and ice cream that I had portioned out to eat. I sat, stared at it, sipped coffee or hot water. Talked with my husband. Then stared some more and assessed how I felt. When the anxiety had passed (because remember, FEEL THE DISCOMFORT, DON'T DODGE IT. IT WON'T KILL YOU. WALK THROUGH IT), the craving went away and I was free. Still a bit uneasy at times, but mostly free. So, I was able to put it back!
-Faced pizza, cake at a party. Felt discomfort. The food was talking to me. But, I told myself that I am expansive, with the capacity to overcome and be bigger than all these feelings. So, did not eat any. Plus made sure I ate a healthy meal before (green smoothie, egg white, kale and tomatoes stir fried, 1 slice canadian bacon).
-Faced chinese new year goodies!!! Candy and sweets everywhere today! I ate some, but was able to stop by using the same techniques. I have to tell you guys. It was not easy. The pull of the food was so strong, and I was so anxious. But, I still portioned out and the key here is I tweeted the picture and emailed it to my sister. I do it every time. It really breaks the chain. I am able to feel more in control. I have even several times, including today, made food, assessed and realized I wasn't that hungry 3-4/10, and walked away to clean the house, then come back over an hour later to eat.
-Ran twice (so, 2 more times before Wednesday) and one of those was an 8 miler. I'm preparing for a half marathon in March. Yay!
-brushed my teeth before taking up the kids every day (alarm helps!)
-meditated/breathing exercises/body awareness moments throughout the day
-Kept my food journal/always tweeted my food and portioned and arranged for an aesthetic appeal (even a snack of nuts is placed in a crystal cup and captured on camera!)


I wanted to talk about one more thing..
I am one of those binge eaters who's not overweight. I am of average weight. Because of that, I have FOOLED myself for 20 years into believing I can beat this, no problem, without doing enough work. Every time I binged, I'd feel shame, guilt, block it out by eating or exercising and promise myself not to do it for a while. I kept believing the lie because I did not look like I had a problem. So, sometimes I'd actually be incredulous that I had this problem and couldn't understand why I didn't just stop it. If I did stop for a couple weeks, I'd think I had it beat and then I'd binge again. I was so miserable and hated myself. The self hate came from feeling weak and out of control, self judgement. I was a perfectionist and still tend to be. Plus, for ten of those years I was a television reporter in major US cities which was an added  burden since I had to keep up appearances and after a night of binging, sometimes I just wanted to crawl under my bed. Add this to the high-stress nature of the job and my poor coping skills (which most of our parents were not good at modeling), binging became my comfort and pain reliever.

But, this time what's different is I am really doing the work. I realize now that if I am serious about getting rid of this destructive habit, I must must do the work. I must put in the time. I must make charts. I must make time to cook. I must stop and tweet. I must re-prioritize. I can NOT just will it way or wish it away or say I am going to stop without researching, reading, sharing, opening-up - spending the time. And, I also realize I must commit day after day, week after week, month after month. I've wanted to slack off a couple times already and I'm only 4 days in!! Didn't want to blog tonight. Didn't want to note the food I was eating in the food journal a couple times, Didn't want to tweet a couple of meals. I realize I must humble myself to the fact this is an addiction and accept it will take some sustained effort. So, here is to committing to myself, my health. This is the year. Any encouragement is appreciated :)