Since my last post (2/1), I binged at a buffet (2/1 evening) and then again last night. So, it's been happening easily twice a week and sometimes more. This cycle has lasted probably the last five to six months and I've been steadily gaining probably about 5-7 pounds. I'm one of those binge eaters who does not look overweight and people are always surprised when I tell them I'm an emotional eater. I don't actually use the words "binge eater" with my friends, but my family members know. Though physically I am not an obvious binge eater, inside I am just as wrought by the burden of the behavior.

Again, my goal this year (which I'm achieving for the most part) is to stop the self judgement when I do binge  which is a far cry from what I have done for years: bash myself and judge it as a huge weakness. I recommit every time I binge to not judge myself and to be open to what's happening inside; to understand so that I can change. These are my goals for 2013:

1. Focus on a diet heavy on freshly cooked vegetables and protein. Limit processed foods. Prioritze and make time to cook these meals.
2. Twitter pictures of every meal
3. Meditate/breathing exercises daily (AM and PM)
4. Run/exercise 4 days a week
5. Brush my teeth/clean up myself before I take the kids to bed (to mark end of eating) and retire for the night away from the kitchen (that's my weak link.  I normally put the kids down, then have to pass through the kitchen to brush my teeth and get my laptop. Instead, due to a long day and feeling tired or stressed, I end up heading to the pantry and then I'm toast!).
6. Sleep on time (up at 5am to run)
7. Very careful to not over schedule my week which creates stress that triggers binge eating
8. No self judgement and harsh self talk (even if I don't meet these goals): observe/learn
9. Refrain from new work/volunteer projects in order to lower stress and spend time on writing/reading/creating awareness about my binge eating.

I plan on Twittering every morning whether I've achieved these daily goals. I'll blog here every Wednesday and Sunday as to how the week is going and has gone. Thanks for any support or encouragement you can give!

I believe my focus on trying to understand my binge-eating is causing parts of me to hold on tighter to the habit, which is why I've had more episodes in these past months. My superego does not want me to let go of this security blanket, yet this morning I told myself that every part of me (all my nervous systems, my subconscious, etc.) deserves to be free of this destructive habit, and free of the past/childhood that led me to turn to food for comfort. Until next time, follow me on Twitter.