I wasn't really sure what to write tonight, only that I almost didn't. Only a full second day and already I felt the urge to chicken out, partly because it's cold in our lower level and getting up after snuggling with the kids and heading there toward my laptop is hard to do. That's why I often make a beeline for the fridge, in order to avoid it (sometimes I have work to do or to brush my teeth) for that moment, only to be caught up in a binge episode. Tonight, I did it again, headed for the fridge and the left over dim sum. As I ate a cut up shuimai, I thought it tasted surprisingly good for being cold. And, the thought that I should not be doing this was there. I ate about 1.5 shumai, then ate a few bites of a fried shrimp, and then finally two bites of an onion pancake. I covered up the tupperware and slid it back in the fridge. I told myself, "Not bad". I'd rather not have done that at all, but if that's all I ate, then that's pretty darn good. I then went off to brush my teeth and clean up. When that was done I still had not made a decision about blogging but then knew that I could not cop out. It's important for me to make this a part of my routine, even if no one was reading. It's why I took the time to set this up, to create an accountability for me. Perhaps just one person could be helped - very cliche, but surprisingly effective :) So, here I am, telling you about the details of my inner battle. Not very interesting except to those who share those same urges to binge. The truth is you can make a different decision, even after you begin a binge, to cut it short. One of the reasons it's been so challenging for me to quit binge eating is my perfectionistic, black/white perspective. If I've already eaten a quarter gallon of ice cream, heck, just eat another quarter gallon and the four slices of pizza left in the fridge because I've already failed so let's just make it good.  "Don't be a half-assed failure!" Stopping at any point in a binge before you normally do means you're allowing yourself to be aware and present which gives you a much better chance of making a healthier decision.

I listened to a new podcast this morning and it's called, "Quit Binge Eating" with Alen Standish. Check it out. I'll be writing you tomorrow night, but you can see me earlier at Twitter under the same name where I'll tweet throughout the day. Thanks!