I did not get to blog on Wednesday, but I'm happy to say that I feel very proud of my half marathon which I ran Saturday. Not only did I finish strong, no runner passed me in the last two miles (except for the elite marathoners who came thundering by). I met my time goal and finished feeling like a snapshot out of the Chariots of Fire.

As for how I ate this past week, well, there were two binge episodes. It was interesting. I'm currently reading Brain Over Binge (half way into the book) and am experimenting with its methods and theories. One that Kathryn Hansen proposes is that her binge eating really had nothing to do with underlying emotional issues. I have been struggling with that one, because what I've observed in my self during these two episodes is that it always followed a stressful event. I was emotionally upset from conflicts with loved ones. My first thought was to go eat, but it was in a flash of anger. So, later, pondering what had happened and whether Hansen's theory is really true, my initial reaction was to disagree with her. However, upon closer inspection, I believe the answer is two-folded.

Here's how. Although it seems my emotional upset drove me to eat, I can also tell you I've had small binges these past two weeks when nothing was wrong. So, she's right in that the AV (addictive voice) is driving these binges. However, because this last binge was more severe, involving more food, I had to take a closer look at whether emotion really did play more of a role, as traditional therapy would suggest. I'd have to say yes. I believe emotion was the primary driving force behind this last binge episode.

Because I am more tuned in and aware of my mental state these days, I can recount the thoughts that led up to the binge episode. I had mentioned I ate in a flash of anger. I had wanted to eat to somehow lash back at the people I was in conflict with. Although it's nonsensical, I believe many of us who binge eat do this to either gain control or to punish those we love. In any case, this is where therapy is helpful, for example, cognitive behavioral therapy which I quote below from the National Association of Cognitive-behavioral therapists.

Cognitive-behavioral therapy is based on the idea that our thoughts cause our feelings and behaviors, not external things, like people, situations, and events.  The benefit of this fact is that we can change the way we think to feel / act better even if the situation does not change. 

With therapy, a person can recognize that there will always be conflict, but that by changing our outlook on it, we can change our response to it, i.e. binge eating. For me, this means when I get upset with someone close to me, that I stay present, have perspective, and understand there is a solution to the problem, even if takes some time. Having said this, I believe Hansen's technique is also extremely useful, because I believe the AV is also active at that moment and again, being present is key to stopping the addictive/unhealthy behavior.

My last thought to share is that notice I stayed guilt-free throughout these experiences. That is key. Once guilt and shame take over (it's ok if there is some guilt and you are keeping them in check), then objective observations about yourself can not be revealed. It is through self-love that I/you can heal.